About this episode
Correction: In this episode, Dr. Jean Pennicooke states that seven of the eight reassigned administrators were Black women. The accurate figure is six. We regret the error and have corrected it in these show notes; the audio/video remains as recorded.
"Self-honoring choices" — that's the phrase Dr. Nicole and Dr. Jean Pennicooke return to in this conversation about culturally specific self-care. Dr. Jean coined the term after watching seven Black women principals reassigned in a single afternoon, and realizing the self-care advice she'd been given her whole life was never built for what she was actually carrying. Together, they name three things most women have felt but never had language for — weathering, other mothering, and secondhand trauma — and talk through what it looks like to honor yourself before you're depleted, not after.
Show Notes
Correction: In this episode, Dr. Jean Pennicooke states that seven of the eight reassigned administrators were Black women. The accurate figure is six. We regret the error and have corrected it in these show notes; the audio/video remains as recorded.
What happens when the self-care advice you've been given your whole life was never built for what you're actually carrying?
Dr. Jean Pennicooke spent her career as a school principal before a single afternoon changed the direction of her research — watching eight administrators reassigned without warning, six of them Black women, their eyes red walking back into the room. That moment became the starting point for her doctoral work on culturally specific self-care: the practice of caring for yourself in a way that accounts for your race, your gender, and the particular weight that comes with both at once.
In this conversation, Dr. Jean and Dr. Nicole name three things many women have felt but never had a word for — weathering, other mothering, and secondhand trauma — and talk through what actually helps: sister circles, spirituality distinct from religion, boundaries, and a reframe that changes everything: not "what are you doing for self-care today," but "how are you honoring your self-care today." That question is where the episode's title comes from — a reminder that self-care isn't luxury, it's a self-honoring choice.
This is a conversation about the difference between surviving and healing, between resilience as a badge and rest as resistance — and about what it means to finally make yourself the priority, before you're the one who's depleted.
Chapters:
Chapter 1 00:00:00 — Intro and welcome to the room in between
Chapter 2 00:01:42 — Meet Dr. Jean Pennicooke
Chapter 3 00:02:33 — The reassignment incident that sparked the dissertation
Correction: In chapter 3 of this episode, Dr. Jean Pennicooke states that seven of the eight reassigned administrators were Black women. The accurate figure is six. We regret the error and have corrected it in these show notes; the audio/video remains as recorded.
Chapter 4 00:05:42 — Defining culturally specific self care
Chapter 5 00:06:56 — Weathering, other mothering, and secondhand trauma
Chapter 6 00:10:31 — Vicarious trauma and internalizing societal pain
Chapter 7 00:12:02 — Three pillars: sister circles, spirituality, mentoring
Chapter 8 00:14:56 — The power of sister circles as social self care
Chapter 9 00:17:22 — Self-care versus maintenance
Chapter 10 00:19:17 — Self care as stewardship, not luxury
Chapter 11 00:21:30 — Reflections from the book Shift and proactive renewal
Chapter 12 00:23:43 — Boundaries and self-honoring choices
Chapter 13 00:25:50 — The cost of neglecting health and losing colleagues
Chapter 14 00:27:31 — Microaggressions and disrespect in leadership roles
Chapter 15 00:29:13 — Spiritual self care and sitting with your truth
Chapter 16 00:31:26 — Struggle, greatness, and the dichotomy of black women
Chapter 17 00:33:09 — Healing versus survival
Chapter 18 00:34:45 — Rest is resistance
Chapter 19 00:36:37 — Closing thoughts and how to honor yourself daily
Chapter 20 00:38:04 — Contact info and closing remarks
